I got a wide-screen HD monitor for my work computer today. It's beautiful, and it makes me happy.
I wish it didn't make me so happy.
I wish I had some other reason to feel that way right now.
Showing posts with label computer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label computer. Show all posts
Friday, April 26, 2013
Friday, February 22, 2013
Electric Ego...
I want to write a poem
but I have to write code instead
There can be a kind of poetry in code
especially my code
I'm proud of the elegant design
of my loops and logics
my streamlined systems
My code flows
pulling the User along effortlessly
guiding them gracefully from one end of the black box to the other
and out again
No Errors
My code flows
secret haikus left in comment blocks
for other programmers to find
like digital hieroglyphics on virtual cave walls
test data populated with pantheons and
mystical chants from faraway lands
My code flows
water of ones
in sea of zeroes
pouring through me
from aether to mind to muscle to machine
bit by bit
block by block
stacked upon stack
module into module through function and parameters passed
My code flows
flows through me
until the integer flips
the Boolean switch
change of state
status update
now compiled and crystallized
Executable
and then passed on
leaving me
out of my hands
disseminated to The Users
like a prayer to a congregation
I hear the clicking fingers of their choir
singing the song of my code
now flowing through Them
Saturday, July 21, 2012
What Are You Doing, Dave?...
Just a quick post to say that I'm taking my computer offline, again, but hopefully for the last time.
This should be the final nail in the coffin of all the ridiculous issues I've been dealing with lately. But it's going to take me all weekend to backup (yes, I'm going to try and backup again - it's a long story), install the new operating system (finally upgrading to Windows 7, yay), and then restore my backup files and reinstall all of my programs.
So, wish me luck!
Back on Monday.
This should be the final nail in the coffin of all the ridiculous issues I've been dealing with lately. But it's going to take me all weekend to backup (yes, I'm going to try and backup again - it's a long story), install the new operating system (finally upgrading to Windows 7, yay), and then restore my backup files and reinstall all of my programs.
So, wish me luck!
Back on Monday.
Monday, July 9, 2012
All Tech Must Die Update...
So, the one working computer I have at home right now is unbearably slow, and crashes about every half-an-hour or so. Whenever we try to use it to do anything (and there are certain things we simply cannot do at all) we end up spending 10x as long just trying to get the damn thing to work than we would've spent doing the thing we were trying to do in the first place. It's unbelievably frustrating, but for right now, it's all we have, so we're making do. But it's hard to say whether this is actually an improvement over not having any computer at all.
After a week in the shop, they determined that the problem with my other, newer computer is that when I brought it in to be repaired the first time, they mistakenly installed a Wireless card that only works with Windows 7, in a machine that is running Windows XP. So, they had to send it back to the parts-shop to get a new, correct Wireless card installed. Still waiting for that to come back. All told, they will have had my computer for approximately six weeks. Which, as far as I'm concerned, is five weeks longer than this should have taken to resolve.
In the midst of all of this, Her mother gave Her some money for Her birthday, to be spent toward the purchase of a new computer. Trying to be thrifty, since we're a one-income household at the moment, we shopped around for about a week on eBay, trying to find the best computer we could get for the best price. Finally found one we both liked, and for the right price, and we won the auction! (It's the same model as my computer that's in the shop, but newer, and nicer, and running Windows 7. And for about one-quarter what I paid for mine.) And it arrived this weekend, about a week earlier than we anticipated. We were really excited.
But then when I started to set it up, I started noticing that certain keys wouldn't work. I never took a full survey, but after I determined that the "X," "C," "V," and "ENTER" keys didn't work, I knew it wasn't something we'd be able to live with. I spent Saturday downloading and installing every driver and OS update I could find, in the hopes that it was just a software glitch, but nothing helped. Today we shipped it back to the seller to have him fix it (at least he's reimbursing us the shipping costs), though based on past experience, I'm not exactly confident in his abilities.
Oh, and my DVR has started overheating at random intervals, as well.
I swear, if my PS3 breaks, I'm moving to a cabin in the woods.
After a week in the shop, they determined that the problem with my other, newer computer is that when I brought it in to be repaired the first time, they mistakenly installed a Wireless card that only works with Windows 7, in a machine that is running Windows XP. So, they had to send it back to the parts-shop to get a new, correct Wireless card installed. Still waiting for that to come back. All told, they will have had my computer for approximately six weeks. Which, as far as I'm concerned, is five weeks longer than this should have taken to resolve.
In the midst of all of this, Her mother gave Her some money for Her birthday, to be spent toward the purchase of a new computer. Trying to be thrifty, since we're a one-income household at the moment, we shopped around for about a week on eBay, trying to find the best computer we could get for the best price. Finally found one we both liked, and for the right price, and we won the auction! (It's the same model as my computer that's in the shop, but newer, and nicer, and running Windows 7. And for about one-quarter what I paid for mine.) And it arrived this weekend, about a week earlier than we anticipated. We were really excited.
But then when I started to set it up, I started noticing that certain keys wouldn't work. I never took a full survey, but after I determined that the "X," "C," "V," and "ENTER" keys didn't work, I knew it wasn't something we'd be able to live with. I spent Saturday downloading and installing every driver and OS update I could find, in the hopes that it was just a software glitch, but nothing helped. Today we shipped it back to the seller to have him fix it (at least he's reimbursing us the shipping costs), though based on past experience, I'm not exactly confident in his abilities.
Oh, and my DVR has started overheating at random intervals, as well.
I swear, if my PS3 breaks, I'm moving to a cabin in the woods.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
At Last, Salvation...
I have a working computer!
It's my old backup, so it's slow as dogshit running uphill in Winter (I swear you can count to thirty between when you click the right mouse button, and when the actual right-click menu finally shows up on screen), but at least it works, and at least I have internet again.
I'm posting this from home, and that alone is enough to make me want to do the Dance of Joy.
It's my old backup, so it's slow as dogshit running uphill in Winter (I swear you can count to thirty between when you click the right mouse button, and when the actual right-click menu finally shows up on screen), but at least it works, and at least I have internet again.
I'm posting this from home, and that alone is enough to make me want to do the Dance of Joy.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Disappointments & Failures...
How's that for a title, huh?
I was in a pretty good place the last time I wrote here, almost a week ago. But the past week hasn't gone well for me, and I've swung myself over to the opposite end of the scale since then.
It started when my weekend vacation in the woods didn't work out as anticipated. I got some writing done (expect to be reading my crappy work off and on for the next week or so), but nowhere near as much as I had wanted. The mosquitoes and other bugs were simply relentless, so I couldn't do any meditating out in the peaceful forest setting, either, which I'd been looking forward to a great deal. (We are both covered in itchy, red bites from head to toe now.) And the hot tub out on the back deck, which is one of my favorite features of this cabin-in-the-woods, and which might've provided some needed respite from the bugs, was broken. So, while the weather was beautiful, and the setting serene, I couldn't really spend any time outside to enjoy it. Oh, and somehow, we only managed to have sex once all weekend. So pathetic. What a waste.
And to top it all off, after all of these disappointments, combined with all of the stress of getting everything ready for the vacation, and then not being able to find any way to relax once we got there, I ended up succumbing to my addictive desires, and relapsed again. So much for "looking forward to spending this weekend sober." I somehow managed to justify it with the fact that I was using a drug I'd never used before, and not one of the ones that I'm currently trying to resist because I've had problems with them in the past. (Basically, I told myself it was okay to use this drug, because it wasn't alcohol or pot or painkillers, and because I'd never used it before. Which is such complete bullshit. Same old pattern I'm trying to break: avoid using one drug by using another instead.) I'm not going to name the drug here, but it's legal (or maybe it'd be better to say that it's not yet illegal), and while not actually a painkiller, one of the active chemicals in the plant bonds to the opiod-receptors in the brain, producing the same physical sensation, without most (if not all) of the harmful side-effects of true opiates (liver damage, chemical dependency, respiratory failure, withdrawl, etc.)
So, basically, it's a safe, cheap, legal way to get an opiate-like high. How the fuck am I supposed to say no to that?! The horrible, deadly, sickness-inducing side-effects of opiates are what I use to convince myself not to do them in the first place! Without them, I'm reduced to telling myself, "Well, you shouldn't use it because... well, because you've committed to a year sober and you don't want to feel like a failure. Oh, and don't forget that if you get high, on anything, at all, you'll end up feeling depressed and lazy and unmotivated and emotionally unbalanced for a week, remember?"
All of which is true, but I couldn't bring myself to give a shit at the time. And now I'm paying the price. I just wanted to enjoy my vacation, and I had run out of other options that I could find. Somehow, sitting around the cabin watching DVDs (two of the three movies we watched ended up being really awful) and snacking (which just made me feel fat - I could feel all of my workouts being undone with every bite) just weren't going to do it for me. And that's my problem in a nutshell. I couldn't bring myself to stay sober, knowing that it meant not enjoying myself on my vacation. Because when I get in a situation where I feel like I need to have a good time, and I try and fail to find any other way to do it, I always know that I've got this sure-fire method right in my back pocket. And, sure, that shortcut comes with a heavy price to pay, but I can never seem to bring myself to care about that in the moment. I'm always willing to pay almost any price later to enjoy myself now.
Like I said last week, a lot of what I'm trying to work on right now is learning how to suffer; how to allow myself to be okay with something like having a shitty, sober vacation, rather than feeling like I have to get high in order to avoid it (which only ends up making for a shittier vacation anyways). And this was put to the test this weekend, hard. And I failed that test, completely and utterly.
Anyways, then I got home and found out that my wireless had broken, again. So I had to take the laptop back to the shop and have them fix it, again, less than a week after I got it back from them and spent two days frantically trying to restore all my files and programs. But before I took it back to the shop I wanted to make another back up, since my previous one is corrupted. I decided to back-up to disk this time, since every other method I've tried has failed. After three hours, and three failed attempts, I had to give up on that method, as well. (I have never, not once in my entire life, successfully backed-up a computer. Every single attempt I have ever made using any method has failed. Either it crashes while creating the back-up, or it doesn't restore from the back-up properly. Why the fuck do I even bother?)
Then the depression from a weekend spent getting high kicked in full-force, and (combined with all of the other things I was already legitimately depressed about) totally knocked me on my ass, and I ended up calling out sick and spending two days on my couch playing video games. (I am such a fucking child!) I'm chemically exhausted from the coming-down, and so it takes me hours to get up and out the door in the morning. As such, I haven't worked out in almost a week, and I know I've managed to completely undo most of the gains I've made with all that hard work in the last month. I finally managed to make it into work today, but an hour late, only to find out that I missed an important assignment while I was out, and my boss had to take care of it for me. (I didn't know about it, because I couldn't check my work email, because my computer is still fucking broken!) Then my boss had a "talk" with me about the fact that I never seem to have any internet at home. (For years, this was because our building's internet sucked. And now that we have finally managed to fix that, my computer has been broken for a month!) And my story of why I never seem to have internet at home sounds ridiculous (even to me, and I know it's true!) so she didn't believe me, and I can hardly blame her.
I skipped SMART last night, because I'm too depressed, and too much of a coward to face all those assholes and admit what a stupid fucking failure I am. And I skipped my therapist appointment today (which I should be at right now, actually) because I couldn't bring myself to leave work early to go to my appointment, after missing two days and then coming in late today.
So, basically, my vacation sucked, I relapsed, I'm chemically depressed and exhausted, my computer is still broken and back in the shop again, I haven't worked out in a week, I'm way behind and in trouble at work, and I feel like a miserable, worthless, piece-of-shit excuse for a person right now.
And it is ALL. My. Fault.
I was in a pretty good place the last time I wrote here, almost a week ago. But the past week hasn't gone well for me, and I've swung myself over to the opposite end of the scale since then.
It started when my weekend vacation in the woods didn't work out as anticipated. I got some writing done (expect to be reading my crappy work off and on for the next week or so), but nowhere near as much as I had wanted. The mosquitoes and other bugs were simply relentless, so I couldn't do any meditating out in the peaceful forest setting, either, which I'd been looking forward to a great deal. (We are both covered in itchy, red bites from head to toe now.) And the hot tub out on the back deck, which is one of my favorite features of this cabin-in-the-woods, and which might've provided some needed respite from the bugs, was broken. So, while the weather was beautiful, and the setting serene, I couldn't really spend any time outside to enjoy it. Oh, and somehow, we only managed to have sex once all weekend. So pathetic. What a waste.
And to top it all off, after all of these disappointments, combined with all of the stress of getting everything ready for the vacation, and then not being able to find any way to relax once we got there, I ended up succumbing to my addictive desires, and relapsed again. So much for "looking forward to spending this weekend sober." I somehow managed to justify it with the fact that I was using a drug I'd never used before, and not one of the ones that I'm currently trying to resist because I've had problems with them in the past. (Basically, I told myself it was okay to use this drug, because it wasn't alcohol or pot or painkillers, and because I'd never used it before. Which is such complete bullshit. Same old pattern I'm trying to break: avoid using one drug by using another instead.) I'm not going to name the drug here, but it's legal (or maybe it'd be better to say that it's not yet illegal), and while not actually a painkiller, one of the active chemicals in the plant bonds to the opiod-receptors in the brain, producing the same physical sensation, without most (if not all) of the harmful side-effects of true opiates (liver damage, chemical dependency, respiratory failure, withdrawl, etc.)
So, basically, it's a safe, cheap, legal way to get an opiate-like high. How the fuck am I supposed to say no to that?! The horrible, deadly, sickness-inducing side-effects of opiates are what I use to convince myself not to do them in the first place! Without them, I'm reduced to telling myself, "Well, you shouldn't use it because... well, because you've committed to a year sober and you don't want to feel like a failure. Oh, and don't forget that if you get high, on anything, at all, you'll end up feeling depressed and lazy and unmotivated and emotionally unbalanced for a week, remember?"
All of which is true, but I couldn't bring myself to give a shit at the time. And now I'm paying the price. I just wanted to enjoy my vacation, and I had run out of other options that I could find. Somehow, sitting around the cabin watching DVDs (two of the three movies we watched ended up being really awful) and snacking (which just made me feel fat - I could feel all of my workouts being undone with every bite) just weren't going to do it for me. And that's my problem in a nutshell. I couldn't bring myself to stay sober, knowing that it meant not enjoying myself on my vacation. Because when I get in a situation where I feel like I need to have a good time, and I try and fail to find any other way to do it, I always know that I've got this sure-fire method right in my back pocket. And, sure, that shortcut comes with a heavy price to pay, but I can never seem to bring myself to care about that in the moment. I'm always willing to pay almost any price later to enjoy myself now.
Like I said last week, a lot of what I'm trying to work on right now is learning how to suffer; how to allow myself to be okay with something like having a shitty, sober vacation, rather than feeling like I have to get high in order to avoid it (which only ends up making for a shittier vacation anyways). And this was put to the test this weekend, hard. And I failed that test, completely and utterly.
Anyways, then I got home and found out that my wireless had broken, again. So I had to take the laptop back to the shop and have them fix it, again, less than a week after I got it back from them and spent two days frantically trying to restore all my files and programs. But before I took it back to the shop I wanted to make another back up, since my previous one is corrupted. I decided to back-up to disk this time, since every other method I've tried has failed. After three hours, and three failed attempts, I had to give up on that method, as well. (I have never, not once in my entire life, successfully backed-up a computer. Every single attempt I have ever made using any method has failed. Either it crashes while creating the back-up, or it doesn't restore from the back-up properly. Why the fuck do I even bother?)
Then the depression from a weekend spent getting high kicked in full-force, and (combined with all of the other things I was already legitimately depressed about) totally knocked me on my ass, and I ended up calling out sick and spending two days on my couch playing video games. (I am such a fucking child!) I'm chemically exhausted from the coming-down, and so it takes me hours to get up and out the door in the morning. As such, I haven't worked out in almost a week, and I know I've managed to completely undo most of the gains I've made with all that hard work in the last month. I finally managed to make it into work today, but an hour late, only to find out that I missed an important assignment while I was out, and my boss had to take care of it for me. (I didn't know about it, because I couldn't check my work email, because my computer is still fucking broken!) Then my boss had a "talk" with me about the fact that I never seem to have any internet at home. (For years, this was because our building's internet sucked. And now that we have finally managed to fix that, my computer has been broken for a month!) And my story of why I never seem to have internet at home sounds ridiculous (even to me, and I know it's true!) so she didn't believe me, and I can hardly blame her.
I skipped SMART last night, because I'm too depressed, and too much of a coward to face all those assholes and admit what a stupid fucking failure I am. And I skipped my therapist appointment today (which I should be at right now, actually) because I couldn't bring myself to leave work early to go to my appointment, after missing two days and then coming in late today.
So, basically, my vacation sucked, I relapsed, I'm chemically depressed and exhausted, my computer is still broken and back in the shop again, I haven't worked out in a week, I'm way behind and in trouble at work, and I feel like a miserable, worthless, piece-of-shit excuse for a person right now.
And it is ALL. My. Fault.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Attack Of The Blurble...
Ok, so, got my computer back, and spent all night setting it up. Naturally, the System Restore crashed. (I used Microsoft's built-in Backup/Restore this time. This is the 3rd backup/restore method I have tried over the years, and not one of them has ever worked correctly.) About 65-70% of my settings/files/programs restored correctly. So, still some work to do, but nowhere near as much as there could've been. Thankful for even the small victories right now.
Speaking of small victories, I'd been prepared for playing kickball tonight in the middle of the brutal heat wave we're having right now, but then this morning they canceled the game. Apparently, a whole lot of people weren't going to bother playing in this heat. So, hurray for that. Not only because I won't have to play - or play in this heat - but also because I have a ton of other work to do tonight to get ready for our vacation this weekend, and I wasn't relishing the idea of having to do all of that around nine o'clock tonight when I finally got home from playing a game out in near-110 degree temps all evening.
And speaking of our vacation at our mountain forest cabin this weekend, I'm so happy to have my laptop back! Means we'll be able to listen to our music, and, most importantly, I'll be able to get a bunch of writing done. My plans are to spend as much of the weekend as possible writing, meditating, eating, and having sex. Those are my only priorities for the next three days. Definitely not going to suck to be me this weekend.
No wifi at the cabin, though, so don't expect to hear anything from me until at least Sunday.
And I keep forgetting about the fact that this will be my first ever trip to the cabin spent entirely sober. I never would've even considered going up there before without at least something to drink or smoke. Now I'm actually looking forward to it, and the fact that I'll be sober is an almost-overlooked afterthought. Is that progress?
I hope you all enjoy your weekends half as much as I'm planning to enjoy mine.
Speaking of small victories, I'd been prepared for playing kickball tonight in the middle of the brutal heat wave we're having right now, but then this morning they canceled the game. Apparently, a whole lot of people weren't going to bother playing in this heat. So, hurray for that. Not only because I won't have to play - or play in this heat - but also because I have a ton of other work to do tonight to get ready for our vacation this weekend, and I wasn't relishing the idea of having to do all of that around nine o'clock tonight when I finally got home from playing a game out in near-110 degree temps all evening.
And speaking of our vacation at our mountain forest cabin this weekend, I'm so happy to have my laptop back! Means we'll be able to listen to our music, and, most importantly, I'll be able to get a bunch of writing done. My plans are to spend as much of the weekend as possible writing, meditating, eating, and having sex. Those are my only priorities for the next three days. Definitely not going to suck to be me this weekend.
No wifi at the cabin, though, so don't expect to hear anything from me until at least Sunday.
And I keep forgetting about the fact that this will be my first ever trip to the cabin spent entirely sober. I never would've even considered going up there before without at least something to drink or smoke. Now I'm actually looking forward to it, and the fact that I'll be sober is an almost-overlooked afterthought. Is that progress?
I hope you all enjoy your weekends half as much as I'm planning to enjoy mine.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Taking It...
Picking up my computer on the way home tonight, and spending the bulk of my night setting it up again. I'm so happy I could shit my pants!
The yang to that happy yin seems to be my SMART meeting last night. Every time I do my "check-in" lately (what they call taking your turn to speak) I just end up feeling embarrassed, and like I made an ass of myself. And worse, I can't tell if I really did make an ass out of myself, or if I'm just being self-conscious. Either way, the net result is that I end up feeling like I really don't want to go to these meetings anymore. But I don't feel like I can stop, either.
I'm really not enjoying the experience; but, then again, is this an experience that you're really supposed to enjoy? It's about learning and getting healthy, not having fun. And I'd really like my Tuesday nights back (I could be volunteering at the planetarium if I didn't have to do this instead, which I'd much rather do), but inconvenience hardly seems like a good excuse to stop going. You know what's really inconvenient? A drug habit.
And I don't know if these meetings are doing me any good. And that's the main reason why I still feel like I have to go: I don't know if these meetings are doing me any good or not. If I knew for a reasonable certainty that these meetings were not helping me much, then I would feel perfectly fine with deciding to stop going. But if I stop now, without having answered that question, then I'm just quitting; I'm just giving up. And as much as I'm not enjoying this, and as much as I don't seem to be getting much out of it beyond embarrassment, I'd be really upset with myself if I just gave up.
I keep coming back to this lesson again and again all over my life. I think it's one of the big things I'm trying to tackle through this process. It's not simply about not drinking and not getting high for the next year. What I'm really trying to do, is learn how to take it. When my life sucks, and I'm stuck doing things that I don't want to do, and I'm unhappy with the way things are going, and there's nothing I can do to change it, then just shut the fuck up and take it. You can't be happy all the time. Sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to do and that make you unhappy. And when you ease those pains with chemicals, that makes you weak. And you come to rely on those chemicals, because you're not strong enough to simply put up with those feelings of stress and depression and unhappiness on your own.
So, I'm learning endurance here. I'm working out my "acceptance muscle," and it's getting stronger. I'm a lot stronger than I used to be, because I never bothered to work it out at all before. Whenever I had to use that muscle, and whenever it got sore, I'd soothe it with the painkillers of booze, and pot - and sometimes even actual painkillers. But now I'm using it, and working it out, and getting stronger, and learning to accept that sometimes I have to just shut the fuck up, and take it, and do what I have to do, instead of what I want to do.
Like going to these stupid fucking meetings.
The yang to that happy yin seems to be my SMART meeting last night. Every time I do my "check-in" lately (what they call taking your turn to speak) I just end up feeling embarrassed, and like I made an ass of myself. And worse, I can't tell if I really did make an ass out of myself, or if I'm just being self-conscious. Either way, the net result is that I end up feeling like I really don't want to go to these meetings anymore. But I don't feel like I can stop, either.
I'm really not enjoying the experience; but, then again, is this an experience that you're really supposed to enjoy? It's about learning and getting healthy, not having fun. And I'd really like my Tuesday nights back (I could be volunteering at the planetarium if I didn't have to do this instead, which I'd much rather do), but inconvenience hardly seems like a good excuse to stop going. You know what's really inconvenient? A drug habit.
And I don't know if these meetings are doing me any good. And that's the main reason why I still feel like I have to go: I don't know if these meetings are doing me any good or not. If I knew for a reasonable certainty that these meetings were not helping me much, then I would feel perfectly fine with deciding to stop going. But if I stop now, without having answered that question, then I'm just quitting; I'm just giving up. And as much as I'm not enjoying this, and as much as I don't seem to be getting much out of it beyond embarrassment, I'd be really upset with myself if I just gave up.
I keep coming back to this lesson again and again all over my life. I think it's one of the big things I'm trying to tackle through this process. It's not simply about not drinking and not getting high for the next year. What I'm really trying to do, is learn how to take it. When my life sucks, and I'm stuck doing things that I don't want to do, and I'm unhappy with the way things are going, and there's nothing I can do to change it, then just shut the fuck up and take it. You can't be happy all the time. Sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to do and that make you unhappy. And when you ease those pains with chemicals, that makes you weak. And you come to rely on those chemicals, because you're not strong enough to simply put up with those feelings of stress and depression and unhappiness on your own.
So, I'm learning endurance here. I'm working out my "acceptance muscle," and it's getting stronger. I'm a lot stronger than I used to be, because I never bothered to work it out at all before. Whenever I had to use that muscle, and whenever it got sore, I'd soothe it with the painkillers of booze, and pot - and sometimes even actual painkillers. But now I'm using it, and working it out, and getting stronger, and learning to accept that sometimes I have to just shut the fuck up, and take it, and do what I have to do, instead of what I want to do.
Like going to these stupid fucking meetings.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
And Ye Shall Receive...
I'd say this is eerie by most people's standards. But the life of a chaos magickian is a life of eerie coincidences.
Just received a voicemail informing me that my computer is ready to be picked up.
About a week early.
And not a moment too soon.
Just received a voicemail informing me that my computer is ready to be picked up.
About a week early.
And not a moment too soon.
Return Of Blurble...
I WANT MY GODDAMN COMPUTER BACK!
There, I said it. Apologies for the caps lock.
I really need to write again. I'm feeling like such a useless slug. I can feel myself getting more and more stressed out every day without it. I even miss the pressure of feeling that I need to get something posted every day. That pressure is nothing compared to the stress of not having the time or the means to write.
I'm going to be in a cabin in the woods on the side of a mountain this weekend, and all I can think is, Goddammit, that would be such a perfect place to get some great writing done! But I won't be able to, because I need a computer for that. (I can't write by hand; my hand moves way too slow for my brain.)
I'm having no luck finding the brightside to this. It just feels wrong. It feels fucking unhealthy.
I just want my computer back.
There, I said it. Apologies for the caps lock.
I really need to write again. I'm feeling like such a useless slug. I can feel myself getting more and more stressed out every day without it. I even miss the pressure of feeling that I need to get something posted every day. That pressure is nothing compared to the stress of not having the time or the means to write.
I'm going to be in a cabin in the woods on the side of a mountain this weekend, and all I can think is, Goddammit, that would be such a perfect place to get some great writing done! But I won't be able to, because I need a computer for that. (I can't write by hand; my hand moves way too slow for my brain.)
I'm having no luck finding the brightside to this. It just feels wrong. It feels fucking unhealthy.
I just want my computer back.
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