I killed a man in my sleep last night.
strange albino maskface
cueball head coated in alabaster
greasepaint of a clown
skin white as the sharpened teeth
tearing through a bloodred slit of mouth
that wound the only color in his face
he was keeping me there
in the darkred room with no windows
holding me there in fear
terrorizing me
torturing me
delighting in it
consuming my fear like a drug
lusting after my pain
pleasuring himself with it
It had been a very bad day for me.
but then he brought Her in
so She could see what he had done
witness the mess he was making of me
brought Her in so I could see
the pain and the fear twisting Her beauty
but then he lost himself
in his lust and hunger for our degradation
he leaned down
face to "face"
pressed his sickening skin to mine
to whisper in my ear
all the things he was about to do to Her
He shouldn't have.
my hands were on his head
fists closed around ears
and pulled
thumbs went into eyes
and sank
and his bloodred mouth opened in glorious tortured screaming
my teeth clamped down
tearing into his bottom lip
with everything i had
i pushed and pulled and tore and ruined
eyeballs popped wet and cold like rotten grapes
ears gave in came off ripping strips of cheek revealing bone
lip tore down down down over chin and neck and red flowed free
free as i felt
free as i now was
as we now were
and i looked to Her
worried for us both
for so many things
and I saw Her
standing shocked
and there was no more fear in Her eyes
and there was no more love in Her smile
there was only the dumbfounded awe
of the newly awakened
all i felt
was justified
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Soured...
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Carpe Diem, My Captain...
I really don't understand why the death of Robin Williams is hitting me so hard. As shocked as I was to hear of his death, I was (and still remain) almost as shocked by the depth of my reaction to it. I mean, sure I've felt saddened by the death of other celebrities before. I remember being particularly saddened by the death of Heath Ledger, and more recently, Philip Seymour Hoffman. But I've never been moved to tears like this before. Celebrities are, by nature, almost fictional characters to us themselves; always removed from our actual lives by cameras and screens. (I think that might have something to do with why it feels so strange whenever you see one in person - it's almost like TV or a movie coming to life!) And since we don't really know them personally, there's only so much their death can move us.
Or so I thought.
I don't know why this one hurts so much. Maybe it's because I grew up with him? Because I've enjoyed him so much for my entire life? I remember the rainbow Mork suspenders I had when I was five years old. (My first cosplay, I guess?) I remember seeing Popeye in the theaters with my parents just a few years later, and loving it completely. I have the same memories of Good Morning, Vietnam. And Hook. (Oh, Peter Pan! Why did you have to grow up?!) I watched Mrs. Doubtfire and Jumanji over and over, just because of the way it delighted both the boy and the man in me at the same time.
And I've seen Dead Poets Society so many times I can practically quote the whole movie. I don't know when I'll be able to watch that one again now. At the very least, I know I'll never be able to see it the same way again.
Maybe it's because it was apparently a suicide? It's possible. Might be the connection to my own mother's death. But I haven't reacted this way to other suicides or overdoses, so why this one? Maybe it's just the fact that suicide adds that final crack of heartbreak to the story. We didn't just lose one of the greats forever; we lost him to himself, to his own demons, to his own sickness. It feels like there must've been something that could've saved him. It feels like it didn't have to end this way. And it touches us all because, let's face it, haven't each and every one of us been there, or somewhere close to it, at least once in our lives? But if we could survive it, then why couldn't he?
I think it's true that there are few things more sad in this life, than a funny man, with a broken heart. His mentor, Jonathan Winters, knew that only too well. But he survived it anyways. It's too bad he couldn't be there to help his friend, who clearly needed him more than anyone knew.
Like so, so many of us today, I feel the need to pour my heart out to the memory of this funny man, who's been there my whole life, in some vain and desperate attempt to figure out just what in the fuck it means to live without him now.
Below, I've collected some of my favorites that other people have been sharing today. Some are funny, some are poignant, some are heart-breaking. But they all made me feel something. And that's helped, at least a little.
Here's hoping it can do the same for any of you.
"Robin Williams is not dead, he is just waiting in the jungle until somebody rolls a 5 or 8." -testingonetwothreetesting, via imgur
"One of the funniest people alive died from sadness." - chili1179, via imgur
And finally, this is how I always want to remember him:
Your barbaric YAWP! was heard around the world, sir, and inspired MILLIONS.
And you will always be my captain.
Or so I thought.
I don't know why this one hurts so much. Maybe it's because I grew up with him? Because I've enjoyed him so much for my entire life? I remember the rainbow Mork suspenders I had when I was five years old. (My first cosplay, I guess?) I remember seeing Popeye in the theaters with my parents just a few years later, and loving it completely. I have the same memories of Good Morning, Vietnam. And Hook. (Oh, Peter Pan! Why did you have to grow up?!) I watched Mrs. Doubtfire and Jumanji over and over, just because of the way it delighted both the boy and the man in me at the same time.
And I've seen Dead Poets Society so many times I can practically quote the whole movie. I don't know when I'll be able to watch that one again now. At the very least, I know I'll never be able to see it the same way again.
Maybe it's because it was apparently a suicide? It's possible. Might be the connection to my own mother's death. But I haven't reacted this way to other suicides or overdoses, so why this one? Maybe it's just the fact that suicide adds that final crack of heartbreak to the story. We didn't just lose one of the greats forever; we lost him to himself, to his own demons, to his own sickness. It feels like there must've been something that could've saved him. It feels like it didn't have to end this way. And it touches us all because, let's face it, haven't each and every one of us been there, or somewhere close to it, at least once in our lives? But if we could survive it, then why couldn't he?
I think it's true that there are few things more sad in this life, than a funny man, with a broken heart. His mentor, Jonathan Winters, knew that only too well. But he survived it anyways. It's too bad he couldn't be there to help his friend, who clearly needed him more than anyone knew.
Like so, so many of us today, I feel the need to pour my heart out to the memory of this funny man, who's been there my whole life, in some vain and desperate attempt to figure out just what in the fuck it means to live without him now.
Below, I've collected some of my favorites that other people have been sharing today. Some are funny, some are poignant, some are heart-breaking. But they all made me feel something. And that's helped, at least a little.
Here's hoping it can do the same for any of you.
Every time I hear a siren I still say "that's my ride." Thank you Robin Williams. I wish your ride had not arrived.
— John Hodgman (@hodgman) August 11, 2014
 |
| Spontaneous tribute appearing at the bench in Boston, made famous from the scene in Good Will Hunting. |
We mourn
the loss of our friend Robin Williams, who always made us laugh and
smile. pic.twitter.com/UOY8LTjVRA
—
Sesame Street (@sesamestreet) August
11, 2014
"Robin Williams is not dead, he is just waiting in the jungle until somebody rolls a 5 or 8." -testingonetwothreetesting, via imgur
"One of the funniest people alive died from sadness." - chili1179, via imgur
Nanu
nanu.
— SarcasticRover (@SarcasticRover) August
11, 2014
Come on in Rob. I got
you.
— Jesus Christ (@jesus) August
11, 2014
 |
| The first comment on this image, from NancyNevada, I think says it all: "When Peter Pan dies, don't tell us to grow up." |
Goodbye pal.
Thanks for everything.
— Louis C.K. (@louisck) August
12, 2014
 |
| This was reportedly posted to Disney's FB page this morning. Heart-wrenching. |
"But
doctor, I AM Pagliacci."
That's the
only way this makes sense. Can't stand thinking of him being
that sad. #RIPRobinWilliams
—
Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August
11, 2014
And finally, this is how I always want to remember him:
Your barbaric YAWP! was heard around the world, sir, and inspired MILLIONS.
And you will always be my captain.
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