There I Am...

"So, the Statement of Intent. What is this all about?" Well, recently, I've experienced what can only be called a Metamorphosis, a Rebirth, or, perhaps, an Extreme Makeover. Everything I thought I knew or believed in or even cared about suddenly failed me or simply disappeared altogether, and I underwent the most massive restructuring of my Self that I could ever possibly have achieved. (And as an Adept Chaos Magickian, that's saying something! *more on that another time.) As I remarked to my brother Daniel after it was all over, "Frankly, I'm surprised my eyes are still the same fucking color." And ever since I began to crawl out of my cocoon a few weeks ago, I've felt a burning need to record it all somehow. It's such a long, complicated story, and even now I can feel important details of it slipping away. I need to get it out and get it down before it's gone. Also, part of the "new Me" seems to include an almost overwhelming desire to express myself creatively. Before it was something I liked to do, but now it's something I have to do. Also, there's a lot of people that I now owe an explanation regarding where the fuck I've disappeared to for the last year, and why I might seem different now. And, frankly, I just can't tell this story. It's waaaaay too long for a conversation, for one, and it rambles and twists and turns and jumps, and it's simply too big and too long (hehe) and too complicated for me to effectively verbalize it. By writing it down, I can at least attempt to put it into some semblance of an order and tell it the way it really needs to be told. I just hope I can get it all out before it disappears forever.

"So, then, why a blog? Why not just start another journal and keep all this shit to yourself?" There's several reasons for that. And, surprisingly, for once, stroking my ego isn't one of them! I've always been a show-off, and always felt the need for approval from those I cared about. And yet, I never had even the slightest desire to write a blog. Now, I don't feel like a show-off, and I don't feel the need for anyone else's approval, and suddenly I feel like I have to write a blog. 'S a funny ol' world, innit? But that's Tao for you; you turn far enough to the left, and you'll end up turning right. Basically, the first reason to publish my private thoughts and experiences is to strengthen that new sense of not needing anyone's approval. I'm basically putting myself out there, completely open, for all the world to see, as a way to strengthen my self-confidence and my inner courage. It's essentially an exercise to build up my new sense that I will be who I will be, regardless of anyone else's opinion. And also, on a more practical level, this blog can serve as a central location for anyone who cares to know what's going on with me or in my life to check in and see what's up lately. My hope is that this will spare me from having to a) tell this long, complicated story a zillion times, and b) having to answer the endlessly agonizing question, "So, tell me what's been going on with you lately?", ever again. I know that second one's probably a pipe dream, but hopefully it'll at least reduce the amount of time I have to spend "catching up" with Loved ones, and leave me with more time to spend enjoying their company, which is really what I'd rather be doing when we're together, anyways.

So, that's it; the raison d'blog. Next time, a short (hopefully!) bio of me, just to give everyone who doesn't already know me the background info they'll need to understand the story to come. Until then, remember, Wherever You Go, There You Are. (^_^)