On Changing The Self...

I wrote this in an email to my little brother yesterday, in response to a comment he made to the effect that planned change isn't a worthwhile avenue to explore for trying to improve oneself, and I thought it could be worth sharing here.  (Actually, I'm only posting it because I don't have time to write anything, and it's more meaningful than any here's-what-I-did-today bullshit I could come up with on the spur of the moment.)

I have to disagree with you a bit here.  Yes, change happens whether we plan for it or not, but that doesn't mean that one can't make it happen at will, as well.

In order to learn how to make changes in the world we perceive as outside of ourselves, one has to be able to change oneself, first.  I've spent years studying the forces of change (chaos) specifically in order to do this.  It's not all black robes and binding demons.  In fact, it's mostly not that kind of typical occult-y stuff.  More than 90% of it is simply learning how to examine oneself critically and objectively (but safely, without letting it damage your ego), and then applying various techniques to try to change your habits, personality traits, mannerisms, beliefs, desires, etc. from what they are, into what you want them to be.

I've spent countless thousands of hours of my life doing that.  Overcoming a drug addiction did not happen by chance.  It happened because I tried and tried and tried, over and over and over again, constantly, for years, to make it happen.  And I've done the same thing with many other major areas of my Self (becoming less co-dependent with Ingrid is a good example), and even more minor aspects (making myself become less anal-retentive about the way I eat my food, about the way I clean things, and about the way I look; changing the way I react to driving; changing the way I perceive working out, so that I enjoy it and look forward to it, rather than seeing it as hard work or a chore; etc.)

If you take a passive role in your own life, you will forever be disappointed.

Yes, change will happen whether you want it to or not, and you need to be able to adapt to those unexpected situations when they arise.  No doubt about that.  But the best way to be prepared to deal with those sudden left-turns that life inevitably throws at you, is to manufacture change in your own life, over and over and over again.

Make a habit of trying to change yourself.  Practice it.  Get good at it.  Start with little things, and work your way up (the same techniques apply, but little things are easier to change).  Got any little annoying habits you'd like to change?  Try it.  See if you can do it.  Then try another one.

Then, when big Change happens, and life throws you a curveball, you'll have a good idea of how to respond.  You'll be prepared by your past experience.

You'll be able to roll with it, and go with the flow.

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Here's a neat little self-change exercise I learned when I first started studying Chaos Magick Theory.  Get a d6 (or a d8, or whatever size die you want), and assign a different philosophy/belief system to each side (e.g., 1=xtian, 2=buddhist, 3=republican, 4=nihilist, 5=cthulhu cultist,  6=creationist).  They can be any paradigms that you want, but make sure that you're more than passingly familiar with them, and it'd be a good idea to have at least one that is diametrically opposed to your current beliefs (see "republican," above).  Then every week (or every day, or whenever you want), you roll the die, and then adopt that belief system until the next time you roll the die.  Try to believe it completely, for real.  Try to see the world through the lens of that belief system.  You'll be amazed at the degree to which the entire world changes with each roll of the die.

The idea behind this exercise, is that by changing the underlying belief system that colors our every thought, action, and perception, your personality will become less static and more fluid, more dynamic; more accepting of - and capable of - change.  It's very freeing.  It frees you from the idea of "this is who I am and this is the only way I can be" and shows you firsthand just how capable you really are of being whoever you want.

It will also simply allow you to familiarize yourself with the idea of changing your Self, and with the process of change in general.  (Again, you'll be amazed at how much everything you see and do can change just by switching your underlying belief system.)  And finally, it's also just basic exercise for your "change muscle" - it's basically "change practice."  You're making willful changes to your personality that are basically meaningless (and fun, if you do it right), just so that you can learn how to do it; then you apply those same skills to changing the things about yourself that you really want to change.