Waah...

Finally managed to make it out the door early enough this morning to get in a workout, but never actually got to work out.

I've discovered the one major flaw in my otherwise pleasant new backroad commute:  accidents.  On the highway, when there's an accident, it slows everything down considerably.  But even if you're going much more slowly, you are still, at least, going.  But on the backroad, being a mere two-lane, when there's an accident, it shuts down the entire road.  On previous occasions, that has meant a sudden, unexpected detour, sending me off to gods-know-where, to try and find my way around the accident and back to my backroad, without having any clue as to where I am, or how to get where I'm going.  This morning, however, it meant simply sitting in my car for forty-five minutes, not moving, listening to the radio, and watching my average miles-per-gallon tick-tick-tick steadily downwards.

In hindsight, I know that I should've spent that time enjoying the lovely scenery and the beautiful day, taking advantage of the rare opportunity to sit still and take it all in.  After all, there was nothing I could do about it, so what was the point in being upset?  But, honestly, that never even occurred to me.  At the time, all I could think about were my plans and expectations once again being totally screwed up by random chance.  It's becoming apparent that one of the many things I seem to have lost since Walpurgisnacht, is that relaxed, easy-going outlook.  I keep finding myself getting more upset than I used to, more quickly and easily than I used to, and for longer stretches of time.  And this is all very comfortable and familiar to me, because it's who I've been for most of my life.  And while I always knew that my recently acquired state-of-grace wouldn't last forever, I thought it would last longer than it did, and that it would gradually taper off.  I didn't anticipate the possibility that I would bring it to a sudden, and untimely, end.

I don't like this person I am right now very much.  I like the person I've been the past few months a lot more.  I'm very sad to see that person go.  And even more so to know that it was my fault.

But, whatever, never mind, can't beat myself up about that.  Need to try to keep moving forward, and looking on the bright side, if I'm to have any hope at all of getting that version of my Self back again.  So, anyways, by the time I actually made it to the office, I no longer had time to get in a workout.  But I still needed to clean myself up, as I was in my gym clothes and hadn't bothered to fix my bedhead this morning.  (As mentioned previously, I'm going to work out and take a shower anyways, so why should I give a shit if I'm dressed nicely or if my hair is presentable?)  So instead of a workout, I got to enjoy simply going down to the locker room, taking a quick shower, getting cleaned up and dressed, and then coming straight back to my office to start working.

And this was the part of the day I was actually looking forward to and expecting to go well.  The rest of my schedule for the day looks to be no fun at all.  So, here's hoping that I'm just as wrong with all of those expectations, as well, and the rest of my day turns out to be fun and exciting.

But even if not, then oh, well.  There's always tomorrow.

Oh, wait.  Tomorrow's kickball.

So, there's always Friday.