Finally missed a post.
I took May Day off from all responsibility. Just wanted to relax and enjoy ourselves, and not have to worry about doing anything other than what we wanted. And yesterday was one of those days where writing something felt more like an obligation than anything else, so I took the day off. Kinda sad for the loss of my perfect record, but other than that I don't feel bad about it. We'll see if it turns out to be the beginning of a downward slide, though.
Walpurgisnacht went well. We had a fun time, and we had it together, which was really nice. But there was nothing profound or life-changing about the experience, sadly. Well, maybe there was one thing.
I kept getting this feeling throughout the night. This feeling that this was my last trip. Or, one of the last, at least. I just kept feeling, "I'm done. I've done this. It's fun and everything, but I'm not getting anything out of it anymore. It's become more work than it's worth. I've put this tool to good use throughout my life, and it's helped me a great deal. Helped me to become the person I am today. But I don't think I have any use for this tool anymore. I think it has served its purpose, and it's time for me to do other things."
Maybe that's why I felt so strongly that I had to do it this one last time, even though it seemed so counter-indicated. And regardless, maybe it'd be healthy for me to think of it that way.
I can't wait to see what this next year brings.
2 comments:
Are you having a crisis of faith, perhaps? That's kinda what it's sounding like. Crisis=opportunity!
No, definitely not. I've mentioned here before that "faith," to me, means "believing something simply because one wants to believe it." And I think it also carries the connotation of "...and maintaining that belief no matter what." And that's just not the way I work. And "crisis" would seem to imply that something is wrong, which I also don't feel here.
No, I think it's just what I said: this was an important and useful tool for me for most of my life, and one that I put to good use, but I'm not really getting anything out of it anymore, so it's time to move on to something else. I'm not upset about it. In fact, I'm excited about this next stage of my evolution.
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